The Girls Q&A Book on Friendship
50 Ways to Fix a Friendship Without the DRAMA
by Annie Fox, M.Ed., Illustrated by Erica De Chavez
- About.com Parenting, Jennifer O'Donnell
- Rick Ackerly
- Amy Alamar, Ed.D
- Liessa Alperin
- Sue Atkins
- Michelle Coxford
- Keith Deltano
- Jeanne Demers
- Beth Engelman, Mommy on a Shoestring
- Deborah Gilboa, M.D.
- Meghan Gray, Joy Makin’ Mamas
- Judy Graybill, Stepfamily Coach
- Carl Grody, LISW
- Janine Halloran, LMHC
- Erin Harris
- Megan Hunter
- Amy Jussel, ShapingYouth.org
- Lynne Kenney, Psy.D.
- J Richard Knapp
- Deborah McNelis
- Wendy Morelli, Tweenhood.ca
- Sarah Newton
- Dr. O. (The Teen Doc)
- Nuala O’Hanlon, B.Ed.
- Beth Onufrak, Ph.D.
- Kimberley Palmiotto, Psy.D.
- Amy Fortney Parks, Ph.D.
- Gwen Pescatore
- Tamsin Prasad, school nurse/therapist
- Jen Rehberger (of Vicky and Jen)
- Louise Masin Sattler, NCSP
- Linda Silvius
- Kay Stephens
- Vicky Thornton (of Vicky and Jen)
- Jean Tracy, MSS
- Liz Walker
- Jennifer Wider, M.D.
- Rosalind Wiseman
- Wendy Young, LMSW, BCD
- Jennifer Zolikoff, 5th Grade teacher
Reviews from Girls
- Priscilla, age 8
- Ellye, age 10
- Callie, age 10
- Jasmine, age 11
- Becca, age 12
- Kristin, age 12
- Allie, age 13
- Avery, age 16
“What I love about The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship is that it gives older children and tweens advice that is specific to the common yet painful friendship problems many experience. A child can look at all the scenarios here, relate and then get really good advice that will help them feel better and handle their conflicts in a way that makes them feel good about themselves.”
—Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World, the book that inspired the hit movie Mean Girls
“If you have a daughter whose trying to navigate through the middle school years, you might want to check out Annie Fox’s helpful book, The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship...
“Presented in a tween-friendly format, the book presents 50 common friendship problems (posed as questions) that just about all girls face at one time or another... Then Fox answers the problem in an understanding, nonjudgemental and helpful way. Advice is presented so that girls know they have choices and can handle their conflicts, and feel good about doing the right thing, even if it's hard.
“Occasional ‘friendship’ quizzes are sprinkled throughout the book, asking girls their thoughts on how they would handle tricky situations... The quizzes make it fun for girls to think about their challenges from all sides, and to see how their choices influence the end result.
“While the book is clearly written for girls, it would also be a helpful resource to parents and counselors looking to help young girls find positive ways to face their friendships difficulties. Fox's sensible and mature approach to problem solving would benefit any adult whose not quite sure how to advise a young girl in today's society.”
“When you read Annie Fox’s new The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship, no matter what your age, you’re going to relate. We have all outgrown friendships, not wanted to speak up against the cool kid who is a bully, and wished we had more thoughts, words and strategies in our toolkits. Q&A is written for girls ages 8–12 but should be read by people of all ages. It shows us how we can choose better, relate more effectively and shift our social outcomes with more skills.
“This book is gonna change not only the way you look at relationships, but how you counsel the kids in your care. No one ‘gets it’ like Annie, and I mean it.”
“Though parents and educators will no doubt glean preventive practices navigating the book, make no mistake, The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship is written in a voice and illustrative style to appeal specifically to the 8–12 year old girls themselves.
“Her new guide is all about ‘fixability’ when mindsets differ and things go sideways. Her format is an easy to read browse, with a ‘by and for’ girls magazine tonality.
“[The book] addresses issues that ‘tweens’ may not even (legitimately) be ready to deal with on sites like Instagram or Facebook (per the ‘under 13’ COPPA rules) but for parents who ascribe to the ‘be aware’ vs ‘beware’ approach to online digital doings, it’s all the more important that this book is able to uncork these conversations earlier rather than later.” More »
“‘OMG!’ as The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship narrator would say. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this book! A tour de force and a complete delight. I can hardly think of a more needed reference for growing girls right when things are starting to get tough.
“Annie Fox’s new book is a gift to girls everywhere with self-esteem-saving advice for elementary and middle school and beyond. The table of contents—the 50—reads like a transcript of hallway whispers and recess rants between young girls… or silent whimpers in their wilted or raging hearts. Annie Fox understands that minutia can build mountainous problems in a girl’s world. Every young reader will find herself vividly reflected in the friendship dilemmas here.
“Annie Fox uses tween-friendly lingo and phrasing, like a Benevolent Cool Wise One. Brevity is this heart of this book’s power and promise. Single-page chapters with telling titles and comedic illustrations make it easy to finger advice about the mayhem of the moment. Erica De Chavez’ drawings pull the reader into raw girl emotion with pathos and humor. All the timeless lessons are here, in accessible vignettes with the power to lift girls up—when they’re most at risk for being dragged down to the lowest common denominator.
“Annie Fox’s strong, warm voice teaches the artistry of healthy friendship: the balance of direct communication, assertiveness, compassion and self-reflection. Each Q&A highlights constructive solutions that feature being kind, real, assertive, socially brave, and self-examining. She calls upon girls to ‘speak up against meanness whenever you feel or see it’ and express ‘the truth instead of pretending to be okay.’ Fox trumpets in no uncertain terms that meanness is never an acceptable option. And that sometimes, the best choice may be to ‘take a vacation from this friendship.’
“The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship offers sample phrases to build social courage, stand up for others, and open sticky dialogue when it feels ‘awkward.’ Each Q&A ends with a coping tool to apply or perspective to adopt, sometimes warning that each “may not be easy” to implement. Along the way, each Q&A teaches the deepest principles of social ethics, taking on race, culture and even disability with un-preachy, earthy human truth.
“I would have clutched this book tight from 4th grade on, reading deep into the night for girl-courage the next day. The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship is more than a jewel. It could earn Annie Fox the Nobel Peace Prize for tempering Girl Warfare, teaching boundaried self-respect and courageous kindness when girls are building their social and inner selves.” More »
“To be good, advice must be hearable, seeable, and doable. Annie Fox’s new book The Girls Q&A Book on Friendship is all three as well as delightful, readable, and usable. Although the audience is young girls, the world would be a better place if everyone read it. Its 50 lessons are simply valuable reminders to all of us.
“Saying ‘I don’t like it when you do that,’ is something all of us should say. Why do we stew in our own juice, instead? And then, if we do manage to get a nice protest out, why don’t we shut up and listen to what the other person has to say?”
“No social pressure impacts tween girls’ health faster than friendship problems. When our girls suffer socially they often come to parents with genuine despair or panic, asking what they should do. As parents we want to help, but want also to teach our kids great problem-solving skills. The Girls Friendship Q&A Book is the best resource I’ve ever seen for addressing real issues in ways that girls can genuinely hear, and teaching the resilience and problem solving that parents know they need. I’ll recommend this to every girl in my practice!”
“The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship is an invaluable resource for girls navigating their way through the sometimes tricky pathways of friendship. Annie Fox covers a wide array of scenarios and offers clear, concise, and compassionate advice that will leave girls feeling empowered and resolved.”
—Jennifer Wider, M.D., host of weekly radio show Am I Normal? and co-author of Got Teens?: The Doctor Moms’ Guide to Sexuality, Social Media and Other Adolescent Realities
“Great advice served up in an easy-to-understand format all children will understand. Annie knows what questions kids are struggling with and in this book she answers them with suggestions, advice and a big dollop of love. A great resource for Parents and Teachers and a book children will love.” More »
“Annie Fox’s The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship is full of gold nuggets. Fox includes real questions for girls, what feels like manageable advice, and she asks kids to own their choices and acknowledge when they’re wrong (and offers practical advice to help right the wrong). Her concrete suggestions (including what girls can actually say) are written perfectly for young girls navigating the exciting and challenging world of friendships.” More »
“When I opened this book and started reading through the questions, I was transported back to my own ‘tween’ years nearly as powerfully as if I’d time traveled there. Things I had forgotten years ago came immediately to mind as I read the questions—as did the feeling that I was the only one who didn’t understand what was going on in these situations... I can remember personally experiencing nearly all of the scenarios in the book.
“The common-sense advice is illustrated with drawings by Erica De Chavez. Her bio says this is her first illustrated publication, but I would honestly have never guessed. The pictures are evocative, charming, and adorable. Personally, I love that they depict girls of differing ethnic backgrounds, physical abilities, styles of dress, and body types. Even better, she depicts them socializing together. I want to draw a thousand little hearts around all of them, as long as I’m hanging out here in my tween years, because she has done this in an effortless way that doesn’t feel forced. If there is a girl out there who wouldn’t see herself somewhere in these illustrations, I’d be surprised. In my opinion, this just hammers home the message that these experiences are universal.
“Between the advice and the pictures, this book has managed, in just 133 well-organized pages, to remind the reader that while our individual experiences may differ, there are common threads that pull us all together. Annie Fox and Erica De Chavez set out to collaborate on a book about friendships, but what they’ve created is a book about community, and how we all exist and are important within it.” More »
“Annie Fox is a special blend of street smart and psychology smart, allowing her to advise in a way that kids (and the grown-ups who care about them) can hear it. It’s a wisdom-packed page-turner.”
“A must have resource to help tween girls manage friendship dilemmas in an easy to read format, written just for them.” More »
“Young or not-so-young, relationships with other girls can be complicated, especially between the ages of 8-12. This brand-new book ... offers answers to the common dilemmas that teen girls are faced with today, like what to do when a friend violates your privacy through social media or uses it to turn other girls against you.” More »
Girl friendships are spectacular and all encompassing and can get rather dramatic and complicated and while these close relationships can bring joy to a child’s life, there are plenty of tricky situations to navigate as well. Some girls start competing and rejecting and it can be heartbreaking to watch as your daughter struggles with her friendships. So Annie’s book is a welcome support—the practical answers help parents, grandparents, counselors and teachers to understand the inner workings of girls’ friendships so they can teach them how to resolve their challenges with kindness and compassion. I highly recommend you grab your copy of The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship today.”
“You must GRAB a copy of The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship—read it to yourself in order to truly understand the pulse of today’s teen and tween and then promptly share it with the girls in your lives!
“Annie Fox, once again, wrote a book filled with information that is easy to digest, chocked full of tangible solutions to tricky problems—such as peer pressure—and offers creative ways to engage girls who are in the throes of (pre) adolescence about relationships.
“And, for those adults who I suggested to read it first—I am sure that memories of your middle school days will come flooding back with wishes that you had this book to help handle those tough situations brought on by school bullying and peer discord!
“A must have! Thanks Annie Fox for writing another great book to help our youth negotiate through these challenging times!” More »
“As a school counselor, I would have used this book all the time! This book answers questions that I was faced with on a regular basis... This is a great book for girls to read to know that they are not alone, and gives them practical advice for dealing with real life situations.
“I highly recommend this book!” More »
“Helping girls cope with everyday friendship hurdles can be overwhelming for them (and their parents). The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship does a fantastic job of breaking these hurdles down one scenario at a time; giving girls actionable steps they can use to cope with and navigate social situations successfully. Those complicated issues like ‘these people are so annoying,’ ‘I got invited but my friend didn’t,’ ‘the new girl is stealing my bff,’ and ‘why don’t they let me play’ don’t seem quite so impossible to resolve. In addition, Annie’s book serves as a useful guide for girls on how to maintain positive and respectful friendships going forward...and as a great conversation starter between a girl and her parents, in a book club with friends or group at school.”
“As a mom of a tween girl and an educational psychologist I am excited to use this book both professionally and personally. It speaks to girls in their own language with solid advice.” More »
—Kimberley Palmiotto, Psy.D. (AKA Dr. Kim)
“Fox’s book is filled with smart, timely advice for maneuvering one’s way through a very tough social period in life: upper elementary and middle school. Although it’s aimed at girls, I feel I can use much of the advice given in this book to help guide my older son through similar situations he’s facing in elementary school, like dealing with bullies, or being excluded from a group. Learning how to deal with the social issues Annie presents in this book now can really help teach valuable coping skills that one can use well into adulthood. As a librarian, it’s refreshing to know there’s a book I can hand with confidence to parents who are looking to help their child struggling with these same issues. Well done!”
—Michelle Coxford, Regional Children’s Librarian, Stanislaus County, CA
“Annie Fox just made my job WAY easier! Relational and friendship issues loom large in the ‘tween and teen years. This is going to help tons of girls...in my office and beyond! The book is so good, I didn’t want it to end. Powerful advice that is easy to read, digest and put into action. It’s like having a best friend who ‘gets it’ and knows just how to make things better. If you parent or work with girls, don’t miss this book!” More »
“Learning to navigate and nurture friendships is a lifelong journey. The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship helps young people understand relationships compassionately and without judgment. Annie provides a thoughtful, helping-hand for varied social situations. I would be happy to recommend this book to anyone who’s ever wanted to be, and have, a great friend.”
—Tamsin Prasad, Mental Health Nurse and School Counselor, Therapist
“The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship does a great job planting seeds of insight that will help form a foundation of guidance that anyone can build upon throughout their life. Adults included.”
“My daughter and I enjoyed Annie’s book! I think the favorite part about reading her book with my daughter was that it opened up many conversations that we may not have had otherwise. I learned about her friends and the interactions they have. I now know what areas she is having trouble in and where I don’t have to worry. Definitely a great read for tween girls! I would recommend all mothers spend an evening reading this friendship guide with their daughters.
“As a fifth grade teacher, I am always on the lookout for resources to help my students build healthy relationships. The advice provided in this book is a true help and can be applied immediately with many friendship issues. I would definitely recommend The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship.”
—Jennifer Zolikoff, 5th Grade teacher
Anasazi Elementary School
“The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship is a delight! Alongside imaginative illustrations, Fox offers approachable, engaging and supportive insights for girls who are navigating the challenges of making friends at a tricky developmental age. Real-life situations culled from the experiences of her work with hundreds of girls offer valuable language, coping strategies and support for the budding self-concepts of the younger set. The Girls Friendship book is a must have for parents of young girls and would serve as terrific material for connective conversations between parents and kids! It is also a great resource for teachers and school staff who spend most of their days guiding girls through these sometimes rough, drama-filled scenarios!” More »
—Amy Fortney Parks, Ph.D.
Child Psychologist & Family Coach
“The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship by Annie Fox is a go-to book that EVERY tween girl should have. The scenarios and quizzes are spot-on for the situations they will encounter, and the advice is much more than advice. There are ideas and choices to empower girls to understand their emotions, make good choices and feel great about themselves.” More »
“My heart aches for young girls’ daily challenges in the Q part of The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship, but I smile big from the A’s. Annie Fox’s answers are powerful. They build confidence. They remind girls to be a good friend to themselves first. They send the ultimate message: you are normal; you are important; and you are not alone.” More »
“Annie Fox nails it! This is a great resource for tween and teen girls, their parents, and any professional working closely with them. Annie shares the no-nonsense bottom-line of common problems facing young girls, and actionable steps to solve them, while cheering them on. Thus, she’s building healthy relationships and skills that will last a lifetime. Investing in this book is the equivalent to investing in our youth. So please share it with your favorite young girl and her parents.”
“The world is going to be filled with girls that are kind, smart and self-assured as a result of this book. It’s fantastic! Annie provides fun, caring, straight forward, practical and supportive solutions for common relationship problems at a time when genuine friendships are needed more than ever! She communicates at the girls’ level so well!!” More »
“Every parent and school counselor should have The Girls’ Friendship Q&A Book in their collection.”
“The Girls’ Friendship Q&A Book asks the questions many tweens and teens need answered. Author Annie Fox masterfully poses 50 common friendship problems girls experience including:
- Feeling like a third wheel
- Watching a friend “steal” her other friends
- Getting the silent treatment
- Knowing that her friend lied to her
- Being excluded from the group
“With each dilemma Annie goes right to the heart of hurt feelings with empathy and understanding. Then she skillfully guides the reader to view the problem from a new perspective. In the end Annie encourages the student to consider taking a specific positive action.
“Annie doesn’t promise everything will turn out well. But each tween and teen will be wiser as they see the bigger picture with an objective eye.
“Even girls who don’t experience a specific problem will gain insight and empathy by realizing how they might be hurting one of their friends. It is hoped they’ll decide to change their behavior.
“I felt like I was getting in on the inside secrets of how girls think, feel, and act much like reading a diary or observing a private counseling session with a master counselor.
“Girls will love reading about themselves in this book. And they’ll gain the insights they need for creating and maintaining true friendships.” More »
“Annie Fox has done it again! The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship is perfect for today’s tween culture. This book gives girls the tools they need to counter the ‘mean girl’ behavior they are faced with every day. The question and answer format, quizzes and advice from older girls will be sure to draw girls in and empower them to be strong in the face of ‘drama’ as well as positive role models. Parents will be able to teach their girls how to deal with negative behavior, online and off. One of the best anti-bullying resources available today.”
“Annie Fox is the friend we all wish we had when we were in those somewhat tenuous years of pre-adolescence and adolescence! Much has been written on tween and teen girls of late, but there are very few books for the girls themselves to go to when seeking advice for issues they are dealing with their often-complicated friendships. They have it now! And because Annie is in constant contact with young people through her online advice column, she is able to include the most current issues of concern for today’s girls.
“Annie comes from a place of empowerment with her advice and ideas. She always gives answers that encourage our girls to come from a place of their own strengths as they are beginning to learn how to successfully work through life challenges.
“This is a ‘must-have-handy’ book for all girls between 9–12 years old; for teachers and school counselors who already help their students resolve problems and issues of importance; and for parents to use as a resource when their daughters come to them for advice. This would also be an excellent resource for a lunchtime girls discussion group for 4th and 5th grade girls and a teacher or counselor.
“I am happy to strongly recommend this as an empowering hands-on problem solving book for tweens! Thank you Annie Fox for giving our girls an easy-to-read book full of answers instead of just the questions!”
“If you have preteens or teenagers, you already know there are times that you feel like you’re dealing with aliens. But there are also times when you know too well the issues they face, and they won’t listen to you or let you help. While those are both a normal part of development, knowing that doesn’t make parenting any easier when you see your children struggle to handle complex issues like relationships.
“On the issue of drama between friends, Annie Fox, M.Ed., has tried to provide your girls with a map.
“...The format is simple: each of the 50 questions is answered in one page, which lends itself to generalized advice that won’t apply to every girl who reads it. But even when the advice won’t apply to a specific person or situation, it offers a place to start exploring options. Maybe that’s the biggest plus of the book: in a world of impulsive decisions governed by emotional reactions, the book gives its readers a reason to pause, take a deep breath, and think about a response.
“My favorite parts of the book... are the quotes from older girls who’ve been through similar situations. That gives the book credibility with an audience of readers that often would rather run headfirst into a wall than ask adults for advice.” More »
“I only wish that there had been The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship when I was a young girl. I’m so excited that this book is available for my daughter to read on her own AND with me! Sometimes all it takes is an amazing book like this one to give parents and opportunity to open the door to having important conversations with their daughters.
“It’s like the Baby 411 books... but for preteen girls! You can quickly search the list of questions in the index to find the question that matches yours… and then look up a wonderful, thoughtful, and age appropriate answer that will help both the daughter and the parent navigate some of the challenges that many girls face growing up.”
“Wow! Unlike many books that talk down to kids, The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship talks with girls like an honest and wise friend. By guiding them to build strong and real friendships based on trust and respect, it will help them enjoy positive, rewarding relationships throughout their lives. Every girl should have this book.” More »
“The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship is jam-packed full of wisdom combined with creativity, humour and meaningful points of connection. Perfectly suited for tweens, this book will be enjoyed by girls in short bursts to help solve a niggly issue, or devoured in times of intense dramas. This is a ‘must have’ for anyone needing back-up support to guide emerging young women through the complexities of friendships.”
“Annie champions the cause of young girls everywhere with this delightfully illustrated, insightful publication! The Girls’ Q & A Book on Friendship provides the perfect, resource for opening up dialogue between teachers, parents, and the ‘tweenies’ in their care. Annie’s genius for getting into the minds of today’s youth, combined with her warmth, wisdom and practical, expert advice, helps them to navigate the very difficult and often challenging field of adolescent relationships.
“Annie’s friendly voice validates the girls’ feelings, then provides skills and helpful suggestions for making responsible choices for resolving the conflict situation. She manages to do all this, while at the same time, reinforcing the need to act with kindness, respect, honesty, empathy, and to maintain the dignity of all concerned.
“As a teacher and a parent, I see the enormous benefits of owning such a timely publication. It is a definitive guide for equipping girls for building strong, healthy relationships, now and in the future.
“It’s the book we’ve all been waiting for. Well done, Annie!” More »
“Navigating Tweendom is never easy especially for girls. When I was growing up, girls were “dropped” for no reason, left to find new friends to sit with at lunch, in the playground and at the mall. Gossiping and talking behind someone’s back were the norm and then there was all that stuff related to changing bodies, hormones and a general sense of awkwardness. Apparently times haven’t changed. The perils of middle school, friendships and all that goes along with going from kid to teen continues to plague girls everywhere. Fortunately, Annie Fox is here to offer some relief... I am a huge fan of Annie’s and am thrilled to share her latest book with all of you. Her new book, The Girls Q&A Book on Friendship is designed to give 8–12 year old girls real life, applicable advice to help them skip the drama and fix friendships...” More »
“Fox’s latest book... poses some genuinely thorny questions tween and teen girls have all asked themselves at least once in their lives, getting to the heart of social-emotional conflict that often plagues female friendships. Her kind, but authoritative advice gives girls permission to stand up for themselves, to evaluate what’s honest and authentic and to walk away if the price is too high.
“Rounding out her own advice, Fox includes peer advice from other girls faced with the same potential scenarios, which makes the book feel like one is surrounded by a support group of friends and a caring mentor.
“The book explores jealousy, disrespect, betrayal, ethical conundrums, bullying behaviors and self-esteem issues that are universal among friends and offers smart advice for uncomfortable situations that encourages girls to view others with empathy, rather than selfishness.
“In one of my recent cyberbullying webinars, I had a parent ask me one of Annie’s 50 questions. I wish I’d had this book right in front of me then!”
—Becca, age 12
“The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship is about real things that I feel. The advice is helpful and it seems like I could really do the suggestions. I will use this book! :)”
—Jasmine, age 11
“It’s really hard for parents and teachers to advise kids on how to cope in their friendships. Usually the adults say, ‘Talk it out,’ or ‘Speak up for yourself,’ but if you do, you get the cold shoulder. I wish counselors would read this book, cause they’d understand better what it’s like to be in real social situations. It’s harder than they think.”
—Allie, age 13
“This is so cool. I can just look up my problem and get the answer”
—Priscilla, age 8
“This book is a great way for kids like me to find answers to questions and not feel like we are alone!”
—Ellye, age 10
“This book would have been SO helpful when I was in the 5th grade!”
—Kristin, age 12
—Callie, age 10
“My sister and I are very different but still have some of these friendship issues. This book helps me think of better ways to communicate with her since I’m older and should be wiser. (wink, wink)”
—Avery, age 16