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December 2007
A Gift Beyond Measure
by Annie Fox, M.Ed.
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Sunday’s ad section weighed in at a pound and a half. “Wonder if the delivery guys get extra this time of year?” David mused. Not likely, unless we’re talking about an extra sore throwing arm. But we appreciate their sacrifice because without it how would we know where to go for the best gift deals?
Whether you joined the throngs in the pre-dawn line up outside of your local big box or you’re sipping coffee and shopping online, you’re buying lots of stuff for your kids. But do you know they really want this year more than anything? No? Don’t worry. I’ve done some research.
Checking out the ads before shredding them into bedding for my worm
composter, I’ve deduced that young male adolescents want, among other things, the WWE
Official Scale Ring Series 3 Elimination Chamber*. Female adolescents apparently crave, among other things,
the Virgin Mobile London Experience cell phone and headset gift pack with phone decals*. (What’s a phone
without decals?)
*I do not endorse either of these products. I just mention them because I like the catchy names and the kids in the ads sure look happy, which has to count for something, right?
If you buy all the gizmos the ads say that your kids want, then in return you can expect to be showered with gratitude.
And years from now when they are grown
With little children of their own
You can hope that they’ll recall
The greatest holiday gift of all
…that special hunk of consumer electronics they received for Christmas or Chanukah back in 2007. And at that same distant moment hopefully they will remember you with equal if not greater fondness. Just kidding! Of course your children will always remember you. But the stuff you buy them… not so much. In fact, according to the Consumer Credit Counseling Service of San Francisco by March 2008, two-thirds of us who received a holiday gift, won’t be able to remember what it was.
Well, for one because it’s a tradition. Everyone exchanges gifts. It’s expected. It’s fun. And
let’s be honest, gift giving might also reflect our wanting to give kids a leg up in the bragging rights department—which
temporarily increases their happiness quotient (AKA HapQ),
something all parents love to have a hand in.
But the real deal reason we give our kids gifts is because we absolutely love them. If we could, we’d show that love with every interaction. If we could, we’d tell them, “My life is enriched beyond measure because you are my child. I am grateful for my relationship with you. I love teaching you and learning from you. I understand who you are and I respect your uniqueness. All that you bring to this family is precious to me.”
Unfortunately we don’t know how to say any of that, so instead we give our kids stuff. But sometimes the material gifts we give actually manage to transcend their innate stuffness.
When I was in middle school my mother surprised me with an acoustic guitar. Mom had purchased the instrument with thousands of S & H Green Stamps she had saved for months. Absolutely thrilled, it was one of the few times (after the age of 18 months) when I couldn’t speak. I immediately taught myself to play using the “Learn to Play Guitar” book Mom had thoughtfully included. I listened to my favorite albums, furiously jotting down lyrics then figuring out the chords. I began composing my own songs. For a couple of years I performed with two high school friends as the Rumford Wellington Trio (à la Peter Paul and Mary). The guitar became such a part of my identity that as a 22-year old teacher’s aide, my students presented me with a birthday cake in the shape of a guitar! My mother’s insightful and far-reaching gift led me into a new realm of creative self-expression. She seemed to know exactly what my soul would respond to.
In addition to the spiritual and emotional gifts we give each other year-round, well-chosen material gifts can also have true meaning.
Curious about other peoples’ experiences, I asked several family members and close friends to describe a very special gift they remember receiving as a child and to explain why it had lasting meaning for them. Here’s what some of them had to say:
What childhood gift do you still remember fondly?
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When I was five, I lived on an apple farm with my brother and parents, who were very poor. When my brother
was in school, I followed around our hired man, Joe O’Dwyer. On Christmas morning, I found three gifts. My parents
gave me a box of new crayons, which I enjoyed so much, lying on the floor coloring by the warm fireplace. I had shown
my mother a gift I would cherish in the Sears’ “Wish Book,” but I remember telling her it probably
cost too much; it was so beautiful and grand. She ordered it—a little pink cradle that played Brahms’ Lullaby
when you rocked it. Santa left a gift, too—a doll carriage so big I could put barn cats, dolls and a stuffed
bear in it to push everywhere on our farm. What I learned many years later from my mother is that Joe O’Dwyer
saved his meager pay all year long to buy me that carriage, then asked my parents to put it under the Christmas tree
from “Santa”; he didn’t want to outshine my parents with such a big gift. Having very few toys
and people who love you is very precious. —A.M.
When I was a teenager, my parents gave me a wooden box that looked like a pirate treasure chest—riveted metal
strips on wood, with a big (non-functional) keyhole on a metal plate in front. I think it held something that was
supposed to be the real present, but I’ve long since forgotten what. But the box itself immediately became
my favorite repository for special keepsakes, and years ago I passed it onto my daughter who immediately put it to
the same use. It gives me a happy glow to see it on her bookshelf, carrying on the tradition of harboring memories. —N.F.I encourage you to share these stories and some of your own with your children. As a family, talk about what’s most important to each of you during this upcoming holiday season. Plan some special time together. Talk about opportunities your family can participate in helping others either locally and/or globally.
When you head out to the stores, choose thoughtfully, with insight and understanding. Resist the urge to spend more
than you’re comfortable with. And crowded malls aside, don’t forget to look for enjoyment in the
process of shopping and selecting those meaningful gifts. That enjoyment is part of your gift to yourself.
Enjoy in joy...
From our home to yours,
Annie
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