?> Annie Fox Parent Forum - Ask Annie - Abusive relationships: A boy in my daughter's class is stalking her.

Abusive relationships:
“A boy in my daughter's class is stalking her.”

Dear Annie,

My daughter is 11. A boy in her class has a "crush" on my daughter. This has been going on since 3rd grade. He follows her everywhere, buys her presents, makes comments about when they get married and have kids. When other boys pay attention to her he says he will haunt her wedding and make sure that she will not be able to marry anyone else. He picks fights with the other boys. And every time she turns around, he is staring at her -- "creeping me out, Mom" and making her nervous. Today, when I picked her up at school, there he was taking pictures of her with his digital camera.

Trust me, my daughter no way encourages this behavior. We need to find a way to get this boy to leave my daughter alone. This behavior is not cute, it's creepy!

Mom Seeing Red

Dear Mom Seeing Red,

I totally agree this is creepy behavior and must be stopped now. For the sake of your daughter's safety (emotional safety and, possibly her physical safety) you need to make this your top priority.

Have you talked to the school about this boy and the unsolicited, extreme attention he pays to your daughter? If you haven't talked to them, you need to, immediately. If you have talked to them, then it's time to demand a meeting between you and the boy's parents and the school counselor. (Your daughter should not be involved.) The adults in the boy's life (teacher, principal, counselor, his parents, the parents of his "victim") all need to send him an unequivocal message that what he's doing is wrong. It's harassment (he's not too young to have that term explained to him). It's unacceptable and it's illegal. He needs to get this clear in his mind otherwise his lack of boundaries is going to a) create problems for other girls in the future and b) get him into serious trouble.

Let your daughter know that you hear her concerns and your share them. Let her know that she is absolutely entitled to be free of this harassment. Let her know that she can count on you to fix this and that, starting tomorrow, you are "on the case." With the few facts you've provided here (and any other specific incidents you can document of his behavior) you are ready for a serious meeting with this boy's parents.

Go for it, Mom!

In friendship,

Annie

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