“My daughter is sending sexy pix to guys!”
(continued)

Dear Annie,

Thanks for the reply. She does have a MySpace account which we have blocked for several months now. We just got her text messaging a couple of months ago. Think she was the last kid in her grade school to get it finally.

We made her sign a contract indicating that is is "OUR PHONE" and spelled out the terms and conditions in which she could use this phone. It is continually breached. This boy she sent the sexy pix to calls all hours of the day and night. (Yes, we've even talked to his parents about it).

But sending a pix in a bra and panties is unfathomable to my husband and I. We think what could possibly be next? It just didn't enter my mind that she would even think of such a thing to send.

We try so hard to instill good values in our kids. We took her phone away and she can't talk to this boy any longer. We told her she is starting a new leaf beginning high school this year. She has cried all day and says we are so mean and unfair. I feel a deep feeling that this is the best thing to do for her to end all contact with this 14 year old boy...

Flabbergasted Mom

Dear Flabbergasted Mom,

It sounds like you've taken the obvious steps, but forgive me for saying this, but it seems that you are being rather na?ve when it comes to the lengths that 14 year olds will go to to do what they want to do. You've taken away her phone, but what about her computer access? If she doesn't agree that communicating in this way (pix, etc.) is a bad idea, then she will continue doing it... online with IM, at friends' homes on their computers.

Taking away access is a beginning step, but it doesn't really address the issue, which is making her safe and educating her about the dangers of these kinds of choices.

She thinks you're being "mean and unfair". You know that's not true. You're being loving and protective. She doesn't get it. To help her understand check out these site:

As I said before, this isn't a tech issue, it's a parenting issue. And that means effective communication about values and trust. At age 14 this is an excellent time to work toward greater understanding with her... That yes, you understand her desire not to be left out of what all her friends are doing. But you also need for her to understand, absolutely clearly, what you will and will not tolerate when it comes to her behavior. This is, ultimately, a safety issue. Your daughter puts herself at risk when she sends out sexy pix to guys. If you don't feel you're getting through to her, then you might consider a session with a family counselor.

In friendship,

Annie

Need some parenting advice?
Write to Annie.
She’s got answers.


Find Annie Fox: Find Annie on Facebook Find Annie on Twitter Find Annie on Pinterest Find Annie on YouTube Find Annie on Google+ Find Annie on LinkedIn Find Annie on Goodreads Find Annie on Quora
What's New?
''The Girls Q&A Book on Friendship: 50 Ways to Fix a Friendship Without the DRAMA'' by Annie Fox, M.Ed., illustrated by Erica De Chavez ''Teaching Kids to Be Good People'' by Annie Fox, M.Ed. “People Are Like Lollipops” by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Brian Narelle
“People Are Like Lollipops” iBook by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Brian Narelle available on the iBookstore
Download ''Are We Lost?'' on Kindle
“People Are Like Lollipops” by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Brian Narelle, Print Edition available on CreateSpace
Books and Apps for Kids
''Are We Lost?'' by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Eli Noyes
Download ''Are We Lost?'' on Kindle
''Are We Lost?'' by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Eli Noyes, Print Edition available on CreateSpace
''Are You My Friend?'' by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Eli Noyes
''Are You My Friend?'' iBook by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Eli Noyes available on the iBookstore
''Are You My Friend?'' by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Eli Noyes, Print Edition available on CreateSpace
Books & Apps for Teens
''Middle School Confidential 3: What's Up With My Family?'' iOS app ''Middle School Confidential 2: Real Friends vs. the Other Kind'' iOS app ''Middle School Confidential 1: Be Confident in Who You Are'' iOS app ''The Teen Survival Guide to Dating & Relating: Real-World Advice on Guys, Girls, Growing Up, and Getting Along'' by Annie Fox M.Ed.
''Middle School Confidential, Book 3: What's Up with My Family?'' by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Matt Kindt
''Middle School Confidential, Book 2: Real Friends vs. The Other Kind'' by Annie Fox M.Ed., Illustrated by Matt Kindt
''Middle School Confidential, Book 1: Be Confident in Who You Are'' by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Matt Kindt
''Too Stressed to Think? A Teen Guide to Staying Sane When Life Makes You CRAZY'' by Annie Fox, M.Ed. and Ruth Kirschner