Annie Fox for Teens... Hey, Terra!

Annie (AKA Hey Terra!) has been around long enough to have experienced a lot of what Life can dish out. But, it hasn’t been so long that she's forgotten what it's like to be your age. Check out some of the thousands of email questions teens from around the world have sent to Terra. You may learn something useful from her answers:

Abusive relationships:
“How did a good relationship get so nasty so fast?”

Hey Terra,

I have written to you in the past and again I need some advice. Me and my boyfriend of 3 years recently had a blow up and broke up... it was really nasty and he kicked in my front door. The problem is that I am in a state of internal conflict. My head knows that it is for the best and that I could do much better, but my heart doesn't, and I cant stop thinking about him and I have this relentless urge to try and talk to him.

Right now he is still mad at me (so I have heard) because I called the police on him, and he thinks it is my fault and is not showing any remorse for what he did. He is the type of a person to hold a grudge. But still it feels like I need closure and I have so many unanswered questions as do what the heck happened and how a good relationship that had very few fights got so nasty so fast.

I don't know what to do, so I've been keeping myself as busy as I can, going out with friends and dates, but he is always in my head and I cannot stop thinking about him. What should I do? Write him a letter asking to meet with me or call or nothing? I am so confused but I miss him terribly.

Any advice?

Lost without him

Dear Lost without him,

I'm really glad that you called the police and that you are no longer in this relationship.

That said, it's not safe for you to make contact with him.

As you say, "he is still mad" at you. And he is the type of person "to hold a grudge" and furthermore, he is "not showing any remorse."

That's why you should resist your "relentless urge" to try to talk with him. Do NOT contact him. He is not a safe person. You know this. You may think that you can figure out what are the right words to say and everything will be nice between again. That is not what's likely to happen. What's more likely to happen is another blow up and this time, you may not have the opportunity to call the police before you get really hurt.

If you need to talk to someone about how to get over your urge to re-connect with an abusive guy, then call this number right now:

1 800 799-7233

That's the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They are there 24/7 and they are very cool and understanding people. Every one of the women who answers the phone are trained counselors who have had the same experience you have had in a relationship.

Call them and get help so that you DON'T get back with your ex.

Good luck and keep yourself safe.

In friendship,

Terra


Need some advice? Write to Terra. She'll give you a straight answer you can trust without any lectures.


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