Annie (AKA Hey Terra!) has been around long enough to have experienced a lot of what Life can dish out. But, it hasn’t been so long that she's forgotten what it's like to be your age. Check out some of the thousands of email questions teens from around the world have sent to Terra. You may learn something useful from her answers:
“We broke up because of other people.”
Hey Terra,I was in a relationship with this guy for 6 months and it truly was the best 6 months of my life. I felt as if I loved him and he said he felt the same. But then things started going down hill from there and it was all because of other people. They were jealous cuz he spent all his time with me. Then I let him be a lil' free so the people would chill and he ended up cheating on me with my best friend. But I forgave him because I loved him and I lost me best friend over this. And then that so called best friend of mine put a knife to my throat and i told him to never talk to her again and he didn't. Well not for a few days. Then I caught him at her house with a few other friends and I broke up with him. But now I want him back. I realize what he did, but everyone makes mistakes... and we still talked after we broke up and I went to his house yesterday and I just totally wanted to cry. It was just me and him, but we did nothing sexual we just talked. But the bad part is he is now with my x-bestfriend and she hates me and I want him back. So I lost him and my best friend! I just want him back!!
Dear Not That,
I'm so sorry that you are hurting right now. Not being with someone you love is bad enough, but knowing that he is with someone you once trusted as a best friend... That's got to hurt.
There is no easy answer to your problem. You say you "want him back" but he obviously has made another choice.
It's interesting that you say that everything in the relationship was fine until, after 6 months, it "started going down hill" and it was all "because of other people." I'm sure that's the way it feels to you, looking back, but the truth is that you and your boyfriend made your own choices. You say that people were giving you a hard time because of all the time you spent together and so you "let him be a lil' free" then what happened? He made a choice to cheat on you. Be clear about this. "Other people" did not cause him to cheat. He chose to do that... After YOU encouraged him to "be free."
And after you forgave him and told him to "never talk to her again" he chose to break that promise.
You deserve to be with someone who really loves you and a guy who really loves you doesn't choose to cheat. Plain and simple.
You are stressing yourself out being angry at your friend (though I agree with you that she didn't act much like a friend!) You are stressing yourself out by dreaming about the way it was... BEFORE your boyfriend cheated on you. Here's the deal: in life you don't get to control other people, their emotions, their choices, their thoughts. You only get to control your own stress levels and your own choices.
So, knowing that all this stress is making you upset and isn't good for your health, what do you choose to do now?
Need some advice? Write to Terra. She'll give you a straight answer you can trust without any lectures.