Annie Fox for Teens... Hey, Terra!

Annie (AKA Hey Terra!) has been around long enough to have experienced a lot of what Life can dish out. But, it hasn’t been so long that she's forgotten what it's like to be your age. Check out some of the thousands of email questions teens from around the world have sent to Terra. You may learn something useful from her answers:

Abusive relationships:
“I have sexual fantasies about being raped.”

Hey Terra,

What I want to talk about is probably gonna sound crazy. I masturbate. I know that's normal. But I have these fantasies about things that I know in reality I wouldn't want happening to me. And I've been raped and sexually abused before... quite a few times by my ex. So I know what it's like... I know that if like anything happens like that to me again I'd be really scared obviously. But I don't know why I have fantasies about being treated that way. I told somebody about this before and they told me fantasies are just fantasies and that it doesn't matter what they are about. Do you think I may need counseling?

Fantasizing

Dear Fantasizing,

Have you ever talked to a counselor about the rape and sexual abuse. Counseling can be extremely beneficial in helping someone heal from sexual abuse and assault.

Even if you have had counseling in the past, it's obvious to me that there is still a lot of emotional stuff that is affecting your relationships. This may be fueling these fantasies.

I strongly suggest you get in touch with RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network). They can help you. Here's a free phone number to call (it won't appear on anyone's phone bill). 1 800 656-HOPE. It's confidential and available 24/7.

You need to talk to a counselor so that you aren't carrying around this unfinished emotional baggage.

As for sexual fantasies, I would agree that they are not usually something people need counseling for. The thing about a fantasy is that you have total control over it, you can embellish it in your mind or change it or stop it whenever you choose. As you say, these fantasies are "things I wouldn't want happening to me." So the fact that you have these fantasies is not a big deal, in and of itself, but since you are a rape survivor it is not completely out of the question that your fantasies may be connected to unresolved feelings stemming from the sexual assaults.

So, if you still have unresolved feelings about the rapes that intrude on your thoughts, I'd recommend that you seek counseling.

I hope this helps.

I wish you well.

In friendship,

Terra


Need some advice? Write to Terra. She'll give you a straight answer you can trust without any lectures.


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