Annie Fox for Teens... Hey, Terra!

Annie (AKA Hey Terra!) has been around long enough to have experienced a lot of what Life can dish out. But, it hasn’t been so long that she's forgotten what it's like to be your age. Check out some of the thousands of email questions teens from around the world have sent to Terra. You may learn something useful from her answers:

Sex and Sexuality:
“He told someone he'd have sex with me.”

Hey Terra,

I really really like this guy, and he admitted to one of my friends that if given the chance he would have sex with me. That kind of made me feel special, but then she said that he also said that he would have sex with anyone. Do you think that saying he would "do" anyone was just a cover up that he likes me? And another thing; he would only consider a relationship with a girl if he really really likes her. How do I get him to do that? 'Cause I think I'm in love with this kid!

Oh, Boy!

Dear Oh, Boy,

Just because a guy tells someone that he'd "have sex with you if given the chance" doesn't mean he thinks you're "special" or that he wants a "relationship" with you... All you can count on that comment meaning is that he'd like to have sex with you. In fact, he even admits how he'd like to have sex with "anyone" so how special does that make you feel?

You say you "think you're in love with this kid" but you don't even know what he means when he uses the word "relationship." And he doesn't know you well enough to be talking to you directly about what he's thinking instead of talking to one of your friends about it.

It sounds like you're interpreting his comment in your own way because you like him and you're hoping he feels that way about you. He may really like you beyond wanting to have sex with you, but you don't know that, do you?

You can't automatically assume he's "in love" with you just because he's talking about sex. Are you aware that sex and a "relationship" are not the same thing? Girls who think they are the same are very often dumped after they have sex with a guy and he moves on. Why does that happen? Because for many teen guys, having sex is easy and very pleasurable, but getting close emotionally to a girl is more complicated and they're not ready or mature enough for that. The girl may be ready, but the guy isn't. So when he says he would "only consider a relationship with a girl if he really really likes her" all he may be saying is "if she's not hot I won't have anything to do with her." Is that the kind of "relationship" you have in mind?

In friendship,

Terra


Need some advice? Write to Terra. She'll give you a straight answer you can trust without any lectures.


Find Annie Fox: Find Annie on Facebook Find Annie on Twitter Find Annie on Pinterest Find Annie on YouTube Find Annie on Google+ Find Annie on LinkedIn Find Annie on Goodreads Find Annie on Quora
What's New?
''The Girls Q&A Book on Friendship: 50 Ways to Fix a Friendship Without the DRAMA'' by Annie Fox, M.Ed., illustrated by Erica De Chavez Books & Apps for Teens
''Middle School Confidential 3: What's Up With My Family?'' iOS app ''Middle School Confidential 2: Real Friends vs. the Other Kind'' iOS app ''Middle School Confidential 1: Be Confident in Who You Are'' iOS app ''The Teen Survival Guide to Dating & Relating: Real-World Advice on Guys, Girls, Growing Up, and Getting Along'' by Annie Fox M.Ed.
''Middle School Confidential, Book 3: What's Up with My Family?'' by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Matt Kindt
''Middle School Confidential, Book 2: Real Friends vs. The Other Kind'' by Annie Fox M.Ed., Illustrated by Matt Kindt
''Middle School Confidential, Book 1: Be Confident in Who You Are'' by Annie Fox, Illustrated by Matt Kindt
''Too Stressed to Think? A Teen Guide to Staying Sane When Life Makes You CRAZY'' by Annie Fox, M.Ed. and Ruth Kirschner