Annie Fox for Teens... Hey, Terra!

Annie (AKA Hey Terra!) has been around long enough to have experienced a lot of what Life can dish out. But, it hasn’t been so long that she's forgotten what it's like to be your age. Check out some of the thousands of email questions teens from around the world have sent to Terra. You may learn something useful from her answers:

Breaking up:
“I am trying to get back with my ex.”

Hey Terra,

I have been with my husband for 5 years, known him 9 years and been married 2. We have a beautiful 1 year old. I left him a year ago because I wanted to party again. I met a guy whom I've been with for 10 months. Meanwhile I have been talking and sleeping with my husband. My husband begged me back for the first 10 months and I told him I needed time. He just recently started seeing someone but he won't admit it. The thing is we still sleep together and I tell him I want him back now. He says that "he needs time". Since that's what I used to tell him. I'm still with my new guy but have already told him I want to work it out with my husband. What is the best way to go about getting my husband to make our family work again and drop his temporary fling?

Another Try

Dear Another Try,

I'm a bit confused. You say you have a one year old daughter and you left your husband a year ago (at the time your daughter was just born) because you "wanted to party again." Where was this new born baby during this time? Did you take her with you or leave her? Has she been with you through all of this seeing you with different partners? If so, has she had any relationship with her dad?

You say she is "beautiful" (and I'm sure she is), but aside from that, you don't mention her or her needs. It sounds like you are, even now, confused about who you want to be a "family" with. If I understand you right, you are "still with" your new guy but also sleeping with your husband. If it's true that you want to "work it out" with your husband, the first step in that direction would be to end it completely with the other guy. Then talk to your husband and find out if he has any interest in being a "family" with you and your daughter. Even if he still "needs time" I would suggest you make an appointment with a marriage and family therapist. Even though your daughter is still young, she needs emotional stability. It would be very beneficial for you to get some advice about how you can start taking your daughter's needs into consideration.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,

Terra


Need some advice? Write to Terra. She'll give you a straight answer you can trust without any lectures.


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