Annie Fox/Hey Terra! - Parent Forum

Welcome to Annie Fox’s Parent Forum — online education and support for parents raising tweens and teens. At times, your job is the toughest in the world. That’s true, in part, because your daughters and sons may be pushing back hard, trying to convince you that they’ve got it all figured out. They don’t. Not yet. Your 21st century teens still need you. To lead them effectively, you need 21st century parenting skills.

So read my blog, and Q & A from other parents, check out my Parenting Tips and my essays. Have a listen to my new podcast series “Family Confidential: Secrets of Successful Parenting” where I interview authors of exciting new parenting books. Or send me a question. You’ll get straightforward advice that you can use immediately to create healthier relationships in your family. That’s going to translate into more trust, respect, honesty, and open communication at home. Sounds like something we’d all like more of, right?

Annie’s Blog:
Single mom + Son + Conversation about Girls=Awkward

January 27, 2012

Got this email today, from a single mom who just discovered her teen son has been pressuring girls to "put out". She felt unsure how to talk to him about it. Obviously she's not the only single mom out there who can't rely on a positive male role mode to set a boy straight on what is and what is not OK when it comes to relationships. With her permission, I'm sharing her email and my response. Hopefully it will empower other moms to get proactive in educating their sons about empathy and respect.

Dear Annie,

I spied on my 13 year old son's computer and found out he pressures girls for "second base." If they don"t comply he dumps them. His last girlfriend told people he dumped her because she would not put out. I don't know how to address this with him. I am a single mom and am very upset that I have raised a boy that would do this to girls! The worst thing is that some girls agree. How should I talk to him about this?

Confused Single Mom

Dear Single Mom,

It's a good thing that you found out. Now that you know what's been going on you can give your son a needed course correction.

Yes, it would be easier if Dad were in the picture, but since that doesn't seem to be the case, the honors fall to you. You might say something like this, "You are old enough to have girlfriends, so I want to talk to you about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Don't worry. This isn't about about sex, so you can relax. This is about relationships, which, by the way, are a 2-WAY Street. If you want a good girlfriend, you have to be a good boyfriend. Tell me what you think it means to be a good boyfriend."

Then close your mouth and LISTEN to what he has to say. I'm guessing he's never thought about it. He may just shrug and say "I dunno."

That's when you say, "OK. I understand you may not know. After all, they don't teach classes in this, though they should. But a guy needs to learn how to be a good boyfriend, so I'm going to tell you what I know from the girl's point of view. No girl likes to be pressured into doing things she's not ready for. Guys who pressure girls to "do stuff" are being disrespectful. More »

Parent Forum

Annie’s Blog:
Single mom + Son + Conversation about Girls=Awkward

January 27, 2012

Drugs:
“My daughter's boyfriend drinks and uses drugs”

Long-distance relationships:
“My son's heart is broken and so is mine!”


	Parent Forum Welcome to Annie Fox’s Parent Forum — online education and support for parents raising tweens and teens. At times, your job is the toughest in the world. That’s true, in part, because your daughters and sons may be pushing back hard, trying to convince you that they’ve got it all figured out. They don’t. Not yet. Your 21st century teens still need you. To lead them effectively, you need 21st century parenting skills. So read my blog, and Q & A from other parents, check out my Parenting Tips and my essays. Have a listen to my new podcast series “Family Confidential: Secrets of Successful Parenting” where I interview authors of exciting new parenting books. Or send me a question. You’ll get straightforward advice that you can use immediately to create healthier relationships in your family. That’s going to translate into more trust, respect, honesty, and open communication at home. Sounds like something we’d all like more of, right? Annie’s Blog: Single mom + Son + Conversation about Girls=Awkward January 27, 2012 Got this email today, from a single mom who just discovered her teen son has been pressuring girls to "put out". She felt unsure how to talk to him about it. Obviously she's not the only single mom out there who can't rely on a positive male role mode to set a boy straight on what is and what is not OK when it comes to relationships. With her permission, I'm sharing her email and my response. Hopefully it will empower other moms to get proactive in educating their sons about empathy and respect. Dear Annie, I spied on my 13 year old son's computer and found out he pressures girls for "second base." If they don"t comply he dumps them. His last girlfriend told people he dumped her because she would not put out. I don't know how to address this with him. I am a single mom and am very upset that I have raised a boy that would do this to girls! The worst thing is that some girls agree. How should I talk to him about this? Confused Single Mom Dear Single Mom, It's a good thing that you found out. Now that you know what's been going on you can give your son a needed course correction. Yes, it would be easier if Dad were in the picture, but since that doesn't seem to be the case, the honors fall to you. You might say something like this, "You are old enough to have girlfriends, so I want to talk to you about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Don't worry. This isn't about about sex, so you can relax. This is about relationships, which, by the way, are a 2-WAY Street. If you want a good girlfriend, you have to be a good boyfriend. Tell me what you think it means to be a good boyfriend." Then close your mouth and LISTEN to what he has to say. I'm guessing he's never thought about it. He may just shrug and say "I dunno." That's when you say, "OK. I understand you may not know. After all, they don't teach classes in this, though they should. But a guy needs to learn how to be a good boyfriend, so I'm going to tell you what I know from the girl's point of view. No girl likes to be pressured into doing things she's not ready for. Guys who pressure girls to "do stuff" are being disrespectful. More » Book Trailer and Free Leader's Guide Drugs: “My daughter's boyfriend drinks and uses drugs” Dear Annie, I have a 17 year old daughter who has her first boyfriend. I know she has experimented with drugs in the past, but not now. I also know that this boy is still using drugs and drinking too. My daughter is crazy for this boy and my wife and I are unsure of how to handle this. We do not mind if she... Read Annie’s Answer » Long-distance relationships: “My son's heart is broken and so is mine!” Hey Terra, My 13-year-old son has absolutely fallen in love with a girl in his class. They have been "going out" for about 3 weeks now. The problem is this: We're moving to a new city very soon. He wants to stay with family in our old town so that he doesn't have to change schools next year. He is somewhat... Read Annie’s Answer » Home \| Teens \| Parents \| Educators \| Events \| Books \| Blog \| Podcast \| About \| Contact In the Media \| Newsletters Archive \| Subscribe to Email List \| Facebook \| Twitter New: Cruel’s Not Cool Copyright © 2002-2012 Annie Fox. All Rights Reserved. Site designed by Daniel Will-Harris, implemented by Electric Eggplant, and hosted on HostGator.com This page last updated August 19, 2010

Parent Forum

Annie’s Blog:Single mom + Son + Conversation about Girls=Awkward

January 27, 2012

Drugs: “My daughter's boyfriend drinks and uses drugs”

Long-distance relationships: “My son's heart is broken and so is mine!”

Annie’s Blog:
Single mom + Son + Conversation about Girls=Awkward

Drugs:
“My daughter's boyfriend drinks and uses drugs”

Long-distance relationships:
“My son's heart is broken and so is mine!”