Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I broke up with my bf about a month ago but I just can't seem to get over him. 90% of the time I regret leaving him. I try so hard to focus on all of the negative things about him but I can't get over this feeling of regret that maybe I made a mistake by breaking up with him.

He was going through hard times and as much as I could I helped him out, meaning I gave him money for things he needed because I cared and didn't want him out there in the cold with no one to turn to. Mind you, this person is 25, lives with his mom, no job. He has a car, but nothing established, but I never looked down on him.

One day we were talking and he told me he wanted to take his little cousin out because his cousin was about to have twin babies. So he said that he needed some money to do it and he was going to take it from someone and that he might get killed or arrested that night. I kept telling him "No, don't do it." And he kept telling me he needed the money. Then later on he asked me how I felt if he had another woman on the side giving him money. I, of course, said no because it's the thought of another woman I don't accept. He told me the girl wanted to give him the money but I knew in the back of my mind what he would have to do for it. I still said NOOOO!! That wasn't the end though. He then said, "Well, I guess I gotta go and take it from someone." Then my feelings came into play because I didn't want him getting hurt, so I told him to take the money from the girl but don't have Sex with her. Mind you I said it out of blindness. Then he finally says to me. "You're dumb just like all these other hoes."

After he said that I realized what a fool I was for him and it made me so angry because I loved him so much I was being caught up in his crap, and that made me look like a fool so I left him. He kept calling and calling, I didn't pick up the phone I was so angry and hurt so hurt to the point we were hollering and screaming at each other when I said I didn't want to be with him anymore.

Still in Love

Dear Still in Love,

You seem to be very intelligent and now that you are not in this relationship, you seem to have a very good insight into what went wrong. This man is a taker and the only kind of woman he can have a relationship with is someone who will give, give, give and not make any demands on him to be a responsible adult. His mother has trained him well. She is still babying him at age 25.

You deserve to be in a relationship with a man who is your equal. This man hasn't grown up yet. On top of that, he really doesn't respect women, probably because he has no self-respect.

Now, tell me again, what your problem is. You say you can't get over this guy? From my perspective, girl friend, you gave yourself a HUGE gift when you broke up with him.

I understand you may be lonely (which is probably 98% of the reason you are still thinking about him) but be honest, he is a loser and not the kind of man you want to plan any future with.

The sooner you accept that it's over, figure out what you learned from the time and emotional investment and move on, the sooner you will find a man who is a much better match for you.

Make sense?

In friendship,

Terra

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