Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I am so much in love with a guy who is already committed for almost 7 months. I'm really hooked with this guy that I allow myself to be his second girl. He told me that he doesn't anymore love the girl... that he just pity the girl because the girl is also madly in love with him. He once tried to break up with the girl but the girl never allowed it and cried to him so hard that he can't do anything just to pull back the break up he offered!

We're like having a relationship more than he and his gf has. We always see each other more than they see each other and talk 24/7. One thing that is lacking to us is just a date or anniversary. We really don't have commitment at all but we act like we have. We've agree with each other that it's more good if we won't have a commitment and just be contented with what we are and in spite of it we'll last forever. I thought I will be contented with what we are now but everything changes. I want us to have commitment and I want him to get over his girl! I always get jealous every time I will know that he is with the girl. He tell me lots of side comments about his girl. One thing that makes me confused is that if he really don't love the girl anymore why don't he tell the truth to the girl and let the girl understand the situation? He also told me that the girl thinks that he has another girl but the girl really don't know anything about me.

I can feel that he loves me but every time I think that he's still have the girl. I'm getting confused. sometimes I consider him as a player already. Can you help me with my problem and give some advice. Thank you in advance!

Not so good

Dear Not so good,

Thanks for writing. You want some advice? Okay, here goes...

This guy doesn't know the meaning of the word "commitment." You say he's "committed" to his girlfriend for "almost 7 months." No he's not. Someone who's committed doesn't cheat. But he cheats on her.

You say "we really don't have a commitment at all but we act like we have"... You really think so? If you two are "acting like you have a commitment" how come he's still with her? In a way, you could say that he's cheating on both ends. Cheating on her with you and cheating on you with her with you and who knows who else he's got on the sidelines that you don't know about.

You say the other girl doesn't know what's going on (that means this guy is a liar as well as a cheat), but YOU know what's going on. So why are you putting up with it? You sound really smart but the choices you're making aren't in your benefit.

Do you really believe that a guy who wants to break up with a girl is not going to do it because she "cried." That's a crock! He hasn't broken up with her because he doesn't want to and if you don't believe that, then you're fooling yourself. But I can tell that you really don't believe it. In fact you even said so when you wrote, "if he really don't love the girl anymore why don't he tell the truth to the girl and let the girl understand the situation." I think you already know the answer to that. It's because he is having a great time using both of you and wants things to stay just the way they are.

So, are you staying with this guy and putting up with his bull because you think if you're "content" with being one of the girls he plays with, that some day, maybe if you're real good, he'll change his ways and commit himself to you and only you?

Let me tell you something, girlfriend, because I've been around a long time... Don't hold your breath because that's never going to happen with this guy. Not in this lifetime.

You deserve way better than you're getting.

Now let me ask you one question that I hope you will think about: How long are you willing for this player to play you?

Write back when you've had a chance to think it over.

In friendship,

Terra

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