Annie Fox for Teens... Hey, Terra!

Annie (AKA Hey Terra!) has been around long enough to have experienced a lot of what Life can dish out. But, it hasn’t been so long that she's forgotten what it's like to be your age. Check out some of the thousands of email questions teens from around the world have sent to Terra. You may learn something useful from her answers:

Cheating/Betrayal:
“I'm cheating on my bf and just can't say 'no.'”

Hey Terra,

I have been going with my bf for over four months and I have been cheating on him. And every time I would break up with one of the boys I will end up saying yes to another boy. Is something wrong with me? Why can't I say no? Now I go with two other guys and I don't want to break up with either one of them because I don't want to break their hearts, but I really love my bf that I have been cheating on . Also his birthday is April 15 and he is about to turn 14 what should I give him or should I ask him what he wants?

Can't Say No

Dear Can't Say No,

Do you have any idea why you are treating the guy you "really love" with so little respect? When you say you are "cheating" on him with other boys, are you actually having sex (as in oral sex or sexual intercourse) with all of these other boys or are you just flirting and making out with them? The reason I'm asking is because girls who "can't say no" are confused about love and sex. Two very different things. Often a girl who puts out a lot for many different partners, like you seem to be doing, is trying to make up for what she's not getting. She's trading sex for what she really wants, which is love, attention, approval and emotional closeness from a guy.

My guess is, that when you cheat you don't get what you really want. Instead you feel bad, guilty, and left wondering if there's something "wrong" with you. The other thing you get is the reputation amongst guys (who talk as much as girls) that you're "easy." When the word gets out, lots of boys will pretend to offer you love. And if you can't tell the difference between real love and caring and an invitation to have sex, then you're in for a very empty, unhappy life.

How long have you been doing this kind of stuff? And how are you feeling about the choices you're making? You know, this kind of behavior makes me wonder what kind of relationship you have with your dad. Can you tell me about that?

As for what you should give your bf for a birthday present? How about giving him a chance to be with a girlfriend who never cheats on him?

In friendship,

Terra


Need some advice? Write to Terra. She'll give you a straight answer you can trust without any lectures.


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