Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

My troubles are with my mom. I can't get along with her. It's like she's always on my back about little things: not hanging the phone up, not cleaning up my mess, not turning the TV off, not making my bed. It's not me because she does it to my sister too.

It's so annoying I need a break from her scolding. What can I do to make her understand she is doing this? She won't listen to me ya know?

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

I'm sorry to hear you and your mom are having tough times at the moment. When I read your letter it reminded me (sadly) of the kind of relationship I had with my mom from age 15-18. I, too, thought that she was "always on my back about little things." I, too, needed a "break" from all the criticism. We'd have fights and I'd run into my room and slam the door. Or sometimes we wouldn't talk at all.

It was pretty awful.

Part of it was just a 'kid growing up and mother not knowing how to let go' kinda thing. That's normal and part of the process. But the amount of arguing that went on between me and my mom could have been handled in a much healthier way. That's what I'd like to suggest to you, to ease some of the tension in your family.

Check out this section of my website on Relationships with Parents.

If you follow the guidelines (and your mom is willing to go along with it as well... because it takes 2 people to create a conflict and 2 people to keep it going!) then you have a good chance of changing the direction of this relationship. And that's the goal here... to make your relationship with your mom healthier. You probably won't always be living with her, but you'll always have a relationship with her and so will your future kids! It makes sense to work on it... together.

I hope this helps!

In friendship,

Terra

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