Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I've got a big problem!! I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I later found out that he cheated on me. I couldn't do anything for days, I didn't want to eat or sleep, and all I could think about was him. Then I got mad at him and I wouldn't go near him or talk to him. He tried to talk to me a couple of times and tell me that he was sorry and that he didn't want me to be mad at him anymore.

So one day I called him and told him that I just needed a little bit of time but that I would still be able to be friends with him and nothing more (even though I do still like him). So he said okay. So I tried it out for a day and we made great friends. We were play-fighting and everything. That was until he told me he needed to talk to me. So he took me outside and he told me that he still loved me, and that he still wanted to be with me, and now he wants to cheat on the girl he cheated on me with, with me!!! Cause first he broke the button on his pants and I told him to fix it with string. And he said that he was too stupid and wanted me to do it. And I told him that we weren't going out anymore and that he should do it. And he goes "C'mon, you know you wanna." And then every time I get interested in a guy he always wants to know about it or asks if I'm going to go out with my ex.

I am really confused and not sure what to do. Can you help me???

Confused and Hurt

Dear Confused and Hurt,

You don't say why you and your ex broke up in the first place, but obviously things were not going well before you found out that he cheated on you. Even if he hadn't cheated and you guys broke up, then, afterwards he wanted to get back together, I would tell you that you need to figure out what went wrong the first time before you jump back into a relationship with him, otherwise there's a really good chance that the same thing that caused the breakup would just happen again.

But the cheating thing adds a whole other element to the situation.

He betrayed you. Now he's ready to betray his current girlfriend. In fact, if you want to get technical, all this game playing around "fix the button on my pants" is ALREADY a betrayal of his relationship with his girlfriend!

It doesn't sound like this guy really wants to be "friends" with you at all. He knows you still like him and that makes you very easy to manipulate. Betrayal is a very bad habit and it sounds like this guy hasn't learned that this is not the way to treat a girl you really care about. He tells you that he "still loves you." That's a strange thing to say. Someone who loves you doesn't cheat on you!

If you encourage him with all this flirting, then you are sending him a message that you are okay with what he did to you and you are okay with him doing it to another girl. In fact, you are pretty much guaranteeing that you will be cheated on again because this guy clearly just plays around with girls.

Is that the kind of guy you want as a boyfriend??

In friendship,

Terra

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