Questions & Answers

Hey Terra,

I'm 16 years old, well I will be in couple of months. I've never had a boyfriend. The ones I get are just breaking my heart cause after few weeks from seeing them they don't want to talk to me :( I don't know why. Maybe it's me... Am I doing something wrong? My sister (twin) got herself a boyfriend. I Can't be around her. When I look at her and him hugging each other I just cry so bad. Every night I cry my self to sleep. I can't sleep. I have never even Had a real friend. My sister always gets to have a boyfriend and many many friends. I am alone standing as my teenage year began... I am crying when I should enjoy my self... I ask for help, because I can't help myself:(((

So Sad

Dear So Sad,

I understand completely your desire to have a boyfriend. I also understand that it is very upsetting for you to see your sister and her boyfriend being so close and loving. You feel jealous (it's natural) and sad and frankly, a bit sorry for yourself because you haven't yet found someone who wants to be with you in the same way that you want to be with him. But please believe me when I assure you that you will!

I get the feeling that you are tired of waiting for this special love. Maybe you're feeling that by 15 (almost 16) it should have already happened. But here's the thing... A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is not on a special schedule (really nothing else in life is either except perhaps going to school). People come into your life at unpredictable times. That's part of the magic of it!

If you are feeling at all "desperate" about not having a boyfriend at this time, or if you are feeling that maybe there's something wrong with you because you haven't yet found Mr. Wonderful, and if you are feeling sad and lonely and "crying yourself to sleep every night"... Well that is not good. In fact those feelings are contributing to your attitude and your behavior. People who meet you are sensing that sadness, desperation, and self-doubt and my guess is that when they sense those things they do not feel like they want to get to know you better. Think about it this way, if you had a choice between approaching someone who was friendly and self-confident versus someone who was depressed and self-conscious and uncertain... Who would you be drawn too?

See what I mean?

The attitude you project is what people (including potential friends and boyfriends) pick up and what they respond to.

My best advice is this: RELAX. Take the pressure off of yourself to be like your sister or any other 15 year old you know who has a boyfriend. Give yourself permission to enjoy being YOU. Get involved in activities that you love... Things that make you feel competent and bring you and others joy. In this way you will reconnect with your true spirit (something it sounds like you've lost touch with because you've been too focused on finding a Boyfriend).

Also, there just may be some things that you do when you're in a relationship that are not putting the other person at ease. Things that you may not even be aware of. (The reason I'm suggesting this is because you say your past boyfriends have ended the relationships in a few weeks, stop talking to you and you "don't know why.") Wouldn't you like to know if you're doing something wrong so that you can become more aware of it? I'll bet you would! My suggestion is that you talk with your sister privately and ask her if she has any ideas about why these other relationships ended badly. She might be able to share some insights with you about your own behavior that would be very helpful.

I hope this helps you sort things out for yourself.

In friendship,

Terra

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