Annie (AKA Hey Terra!) has been around long enough to have experienced a lot of what Life can dish out. But, it hasn’t been so long that she's forgotten what it's like to be your age. Check out some of the thousands of email questions teens from around the world have sent to Terra. You may learn something useful from her answers:
“How do I let go and trust him?”
(Continued)
Hey Terra,
Wow I did not think you were actually going to write back. I think out of all the relationships that you have answered back to I think mine is the most in need.He does not flirt with other women and he is a mere perfection of a boyfriend, but guess what I think is that when he tries to tell me that he does not like other girls my head reverses it and changes it to he does like other girls. I do want to talk to someone but they probably think that I am stupid or something. Who do I talk to?
Jealous Monster
Dear Jealous Monster,
Just to let you know, I answer all of the email I get because I figure that anyone who took the time to write to me deserves to have their question/problem treated with respect.
It's interesting that you are aware of the switch you are making with your boyfriend's words! Being aware that you have this habit of reversing what he says is the first step to changing what seems like an automatic response. I have a few questions for you to think about so that you can better understand why you are doing this.
1. Think about a time when you trusted and believed in someone and ended up being betrayed, hurt, abandoned by him/her.
2. What decision(s) did you make at that time to protect yourself from being hurt again?
3. How many of those decisions might still be in effect now, even though your current boyfriend is "mere perfection"?
Sometimes we put all kinds of rules in place to prevent an emotional hurt from reoccurring -- statements that we "program" into our minds to help us feel like we have control over everything that happens to us. For example, "I'll never do that again and then everything will be okay." "If a guy ever says that to me I'll make sure I don't trust him." "I'll never let myself be that vulnerable again." To the degree that you are operating on some decision based on a past relationship, you are denying yourself the joy of being here, in the present moment, with a guy who obviously cares about you and places value in this relationship.
As for who you can talk to about all this, are you a student? If so, I would think that your school has a counselor on staff to help students work through emotional and psychological issues. If you are no longer a student and work for a large company, it's very likely your company has a Human Resources person on staff with whom you could talk regarding a referral to a counselor. If you work for a small company, I'd suggest you contact a health care provider and ask for a referral to a counselor, psychologist, therapist, etc. And don't worry, no counselor is going to think you are "stupid" for having a problem like this.
I hope this helps. And please, keep me posted. I care about you.
In friendship,
Terra
Need some advice? Write to Terra.
She'll give you a straight answer you can trust without any lectures.
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